How to Stop Beating Yourself Up After a Bad Show

As equestrians, we often face the highs and lows that come with the sport. After a challenging ride or a disappointing show, it’s easy to fall into the trap of self criticism and negative thinking.

However, beating yourself up after a bad performance isn’t just unhelpful—it’s counterproductive. It undermines your confidence, perpetuates feelings of defeat, and can create a cycle of negativity that’s hard to break.

Let’s explore why self compassion is crucial for equestrian success and how you can foster a positive mindset that propels you forward.

The Counterproductive Nature of Self Criticism

When you dwell on mistakes and berate yourself for not meeting expectations, you’re essentially reinforcing a negative mindset.

This self critical approach doesn’t make you more resilient; instead, it erodes your self confidence and makes it harder to bounce back from setbacks. Constantly replaying past errors in your mind and feeling pressured to live up to past successes can create mental blocks that hinder your performance.

To truly excel, it’s vital to shift your focus from self criticism to self compassion.

How to Stop Beating Yourself Up After a Bad Show

Understanding the Inner Game of Riding

Equestrian sports, like many other pursuits, are as much about mental resilience as they are about physical skill.

While you can’t control external factors—such as the weather, horse show results, or your horse’s behavior—you can control your mindset.

This inner game is where true growth happens.

By focusing on what you can control—your thoughts, reactions, and attitudes—you empower yourself to handle challenges more effectively.

Embracing a positive inner dialogue can transform your riding experience, allowing you to navigate setbacks with grace and determination.

Be Sold Out on Yourself

One of the most liberating realizations you can have is that your worth isn’t tied to your performance. When you’re sold out on yourself—confident in your inherent value and abilities—external opinions and outcomes lose their power over you.

This doesn’t mean you won’t face criticism or setbacks, but it does mean that these external factors won’t dictate your self worth. When you truly believe in yourself, you create a stable foundation from which you can pursue your goals without fear of failure or judgement.

Your Value is Infinite

Your value as an individual is infinite and intrinsic. No accomplishment or failure can add to or diminish this inherent worth. By internalizing this truth, you free yourself from the constant need for external validation.

This perspective shift allows you to focus on riding well and personal growth rather than being fixated on outcomes. Recognize that every experience—whether a triumph or a setback—is an opportunity to learn and grow.

Exercise: The Self Compassion Break

To cultivate self compassion, try incorporating the following exercise into your routine, especially after a challenging ride or show:

Acknowledge Your Feelings: Take a moment to recognize and name what you’re feeling. It might be frustration, disappointment, or self doubt. Simply acknowledging these emotions can reduce their intensity.

Offer Yourself Kindness: Don’t beat yourself up about what you could have or should have done. Be kind to yourself and feel your feelings. You might say something like, “It’s okay to feel this way. I’m doing my best, and that’s enough.” Do not move on to step three until steps one and two have been completed.

Refocus Your Mindset: Shift your focus from what went wrong to what you can learn. Consider what steps you can take to improve and how you can apply this learning to future rides.

In Closing

Embracing self compassion and shifting your mindset from self criticism to self belief can profoundly impact your equestrian journey. Remember, it’s not about perfection but about progress and personal growth.

By focusing on your inner game and recognizing your infinite worth, you’ll find that setbacks become stepping stones, and each ride becomes an opportunity for growth. Your journey as an equestrian is unique and valuable, and with self compassion at the forefront, you can achieve your dreams with confidence and resilience.

Follow me on Instagram for equestrian success tips @vickibealecoaching and feel free to reach out with any questions or comments.